Let’s just be really clear up front—I was never Homecoming Queen. I wasn’t a ‘popular girl.’ I didn’t run with the ‘in’ crowd in high school; I had few friends, but they were good friends and that’s what mattered. But, this song Homecoming Queen by Kelsea Ballerini speaks to me so profoundly.

When I decided to write When He Was Anna, a Mom’s Journey Into the Transgender World, I told so few people about the book. I played the part, zipped up the mess. Because, let’s face it—life is messy. I’d spent over half a century not showing what was under my skin. I’ve walked on eggshells, swept it under the rug, acted tough. But, don’t we all? Maybe you don’t, maybe you’re perfectly okay putting yourself out there and you refuse to zip up your mess; if that’s you then pat yourself on the back and know that we homecoming queens admire you so much.

It’s so freeing when dancing with your best foot forward takes on a new meaning. For me it used to mean playing the homecoming queen, playing the part that everyone expected of me. Now it means trying to unzip the mess—trying. Admit it, most of us have a mess, something that we keep zipped up. I hope that, in writing about my experience (mine, not my child’s, just mine) I’ve opened the curtain enough so that someone else might peek in and realize that it’s okay to drop the tough act and unzip the mess.

Hey homecoming queen
Why do you lie
When somebody's mean?
Where do you hide?
Do people assume
You're always alright?
Been so good at smiling
Most of your life

Look damn good in the dress
Zipping up the mess
Dancing with your best foot forward
Does it get hard
To have to play the part?
Nobody's feeling sorry for ya

But what if I told you the world wouldn't end
If you started showing what's under your skin
What if you let 'em all in on the lie?
Even the homecoming queen cries

Hey homecoming queen
How's things at home?
Still walking on eggshells
When that curtain's closed
Did your daddy teach you
How to act tough?
Or more like your momma?
Sweep it under the rug

Look damn good in the dress
Zipping up the mess
Dancing with your best foot forward

~ Kelsea Ballerini, Homecoming Queen